nisshou (sunlight)
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: When the amusement stops for Kyouya, how will Tamaki react? (Note: shounen-ai)


**fandom - Ouran Koukou Host Club**  
 **title - nisshou**  
 **pairing - Kyouya x Tamaki**  
 **rating - pg-13**  
 **description - When the amusement stops for Kyouya, how will Tamaki react?**

 **Disclaimer – Ouran Koukou Host Club isn't mine. (Blame Kyouya for having glasses, evil tendencies, and eyes like Seishirou.)**

Catching up to you  
is more than a journey  
through hills and valleys.  
For even if I searched  
a thousand trees  
and lives,  
I'd still be where  
I started.

You think it's just fun,  
I'm here with a stoic face,  
I can't let you know…

Over and over,  
I've tried to show you  
But proof isn't in  
gifts, words, and actions,  
not even feelings!

The gap widens  
the more I try  
to get closer to you.

I'm just someone passing you  
on some street,  
but for me  
You are always  
the real thing,

It's a one-time deal for me~!

 **nisshou. (sunlight.)  
By miyamoto yui  
**

 _I placed my pad and pen onto the closest table and proceeded to cup my hands over my ears. I waited for a second for the oncoming blare._

 _"HARUHI~! How could you make your father fret like this?!"  
This didn't grow old. He fussed over her costume, but he didn't know whether or not he wanted to aim towards her masculine or feminine side. I just plain looked sideways with nothing to say. To raise an eyebrow would have been a waste of energy that could have been used towards profit.  
She gave him a death glare. But what did he expect from her? Anything less? The blond wanted her to wear a slightly, form-fitting black suit which required her to button her white blouse in only two places * ahem * over her chest._

 _I adjusted my glasses and moved towards another part of the room. In order to economize and yet provide the best services, I constantly had to survey what was going on in the club and see how our guests reacted to certain hosts and products. I also had to be aware of fads and details relevant to that sort. Such things were quite superficial when you really watched what I did._

 _Ah, this club took up my time and it made money. I never said I did this voluntarily._

 _Right now, I noted that Haruhi had sighed and hit the King. The King was pouting in a corner of the room, kneeling on the floor and playing with chalk. I eyed him because that instantaneously meant we had to block that corner for the time being._

 _Why not clean it? That was something I wouldn't answer, even out of circumstance. I rolled my eyes and made soft 'tsk' sounds when I walked towards Tamaki. I squatted down and flicked him on the forehead. "I won't let you get away with this, even if you do own the school."  
He looked up at me with puppy dog eyes. He pouted more and leaned up to whine quietly into my ear, "But Kyou-ya~."  
I sighed with more frustration. I got up. Money would not get him, the little brat. I suavely took out pictures of Haruhi when she was little. "Forget your future present."  
I waved them in front of him so that he'd have a small peek and then I put them into my inner pocket once again.  
"Where did you-AHH~!" He tore his hair out and calmly, I patted the pictures with a smirk. I adjusted my glasses again._

 _This was getting a bit too easy. That wasn't good._

 _The day it got boring was the day I would leave. This was our promise, wasn't it, Tamaki?  
After all, I wasn't here for anything in particular. If anyone really wanted the truth, I simply said: "It was just to pass the time."_

 _That day was slowly approaching though.  
What will you do? I didn't want to know. That was scarier than waking me up before I wanted to get up…_

 _I looked up from my pad and paper. Haruhi gave me a pair of blue mittens as an early Christmas present, the same pattern as everyone's. Even so, after me, when Tamaki received his, he was on his knees weeping with joy.  
But as always, he changed into his 'King mode' when the first customer entered through the doors._

 _Wasn't that the way for everyone here?_

 _The Host Club was a realm of its own, separate from the world outside those two doors._

 _#############_

 _At the end of the day, I stayed behind to calculate the finances. With a perturbed expression on my face, I rubbed my index finger up and down over the middle of my forehead. The cake budget was two times more than usual. Damn those specials even though we had a huge discount for buying so much from the local bakeries. They loved us, or rather, they loved Honey-sempai. (What did you expect from the 'number one customer' in all the cake shops within a five kilometer radius?)_

 _"Why do I even bother?"  
When my voice echoed, it was only then that I noticed I'd spoken aloud. Having kept my mouth shut all these years, I was not used to hearing my thoughts said aloud. I was used to strategizing everything inside my head. After all, things ran a little smoother in 'reality' when things weren't said. No one would know your apparent weaknesses and nor would they surmise your strengths in a small amount of time. All secrets would be revealed over time, as life had proven, but if I had a little power to control something like that, then I would take that opportunity to do so.  
I went to the bathroom and when I came out, it was already twilight. I didn't notice that it was already that late. But what was more surprising was that it was only a few days to Christmas and it slipped my mind. It was plastered all over our room and around the city, but I had paid no attention to it. Such things brought about not-so-pleasant memories: Seeing the rest of the family.  
I must have blocked it out. Oh well. I shrugged my shoulders and walked to the single window I kept open in the club. It was my favorite one. You could see so many things like the clock tower, the pond, the pathway…but no one could really see you.  
As I was about to close it, I held my hand out. A small snowflake floated into my palm and disappeared into a tiny puddle. I looked up to the white sky._

 _There was no way I was rushing home. In fact, I welcomed the fact that it would delay me._

 _I closed the window and pulled the curtains. In the darkness, I lifted my bookbag and walked out the door. When I got outside, I took a deep breath. I stood there and blinked my eyes.  
In between the specks of snow, Tamaki was blowing into his mittens and the cold air temporarily showed his warm breath. He jumped from one leg to another as if he needed to go to the bathroom.  
I wiped my mouth to take out the indication of beguilement that began to show on my face.  
For a second, he looked down at the dark violet bag next to him. Then, he started to hop on one foot again. "God, when is he coming out?!"_

 _I walked forward, almost wanting to shake my head. When I stood in front of him, I sighed. "Why are you here, Tamaki?"  
"Ah! Kyouya!" Immediately, he lit up and dug down into the bag to put an overcoat on me. "I know you forgot to bring one because I dragged you out of your house to decorate with me this morning so I bought this and came back."  
I didn't move and watched him as he clumsily put the light, black overcoat around me. He even put the buttons incorrectly and had to do them all over again. I would have done something, but I had learned early on that it was better to let him have his way. It was because, eventually, he would have found a way to win you over even if you'd protested. That kind of thing actually enticed him more because it challenged him._

 _That was one trait we, unfortunately, both possessed._

 _As I was about to open my mouth, he brought out a burgundy scarf to wrap around my neck. "I'm not good at this kind of thing, you know that."  
He tried to wrap it and pulled a little too hard. I winced but I continued not to speak.  
He patted my chest to make sure everything was secure._

 _"How long have you been here?" I asked as he stepped away from me. For a brief moment, I felt the cold settle again inside of me when he let go.  
Tamaki's eyes shifted to one side as he replied, "Not for long. I just-"_

 _He only did that when he was lying._

 _I took his hands and looked around for a second. Then, I pulled his mittens and put them into my pockets. Afterwards, I took off my gloves and held his hands, palms out. Instantly feeling his icy hands, I sharply looked up. "Why did you...? Tamaki..."  
His eyes remorsefully looked down to the ground as I rubbed his hands and blew into them.  
"But the mittens-" He started to say as I put my own gloves onto his hands.  
He stopped talking as I wore his cold mittens and leaned down to pick up the dark violet bag he'd brought. "Let's go home."  
Silently, he walked beside me._

 _There was that look again. The worried, serious one he showed whenever he was distressed._

 _Was I the only one who knew this Tamaki? Would anyone have ever believed the socializing sensation, Suoh Tamaki, was just an ordinary mortal outside the Host Club?_

 _The more I looked at him, I felt slightly guilty. Again, I'd said the wrong thing. Instead of thanking you, I couldn't let go of my pride…_

 _When I dropped him off, I patted the top of his head. "I'll see you tomorrow."  
He nodded his head dejectedly.  
Clearing my throat, I looked away. "Thank you."  
Tamaki turned towards me and smiled. I saw him from the corner of my eye as he told me, "See you tomorrow, Kyouya~!"  
Waving like an idiot behind me, I turned around and lifted my hand without changing my expression._

 _Then, on the way home, lifting up my right hand, I kept on looking at the mitten Haruhi had made._

 _I couldn't feel my hands anymore.  
_

Staring at the pathway I've walked through more than five thousand times, of all things, I can't believe I recall that incident as something I will miss.

"Kyouya."  
I stand at the window, holding onto the curtain closest to it. Even though the others offered to clean up, this is one of those things I strangely enjoy doing by myself. In between all the entropy, there is a small pocket of peace where I can breathe as I go from one institution (school) to another (home).  
I try not to react, but Tamaki runs his fingers through his hair as a smile encroaches his face. I see his reflection coming closer and closer towards mine. Is that triumph in his grin?

"Your eyes can deceive anyone else, except me."  
It is then that I realize my eyes opened a centimeter wide at his call. Damn this idiot for showing signs of intelligence when I least need it.  
"You look like you've been here for a while." He touches my shoulders and I look down and towards my right, eyeing his hand as if in disgust.  
"It seems so," I say nonchalantly, noting that I must have been lost in thought if it suddenly turned nighttime. "I was just wondering what the sunset looked like from here. I've been here for years and I never bothered to look."  
"Ah." His grip becomes firmer, wanting to say more. Of course, he isn't very demure in everyday functions (aka anything besides the Host Club). He is basically naïve in very many respects. Sometimes, I envy his innocence. I wonder how someone like this has been able to live. Then again, I can't compare him to myself, nor vice versa.

"We're going to graduate tomorrow and you act like nothing fazes you."

It is only through this statement that I notice his tone become raspy. He gulps. His voice becomes harsher as he pulls me to face him and lowers his voice a bit. "All this time, I thought for once you'd say, 'Tamaki, let's talk'. Or 'let's get out because entrance exams are stressing me out'. Something along those lines. But I guess I was wrong. For once, I just wanted you to ask me for something. I thought I knew-"

"What do you know?" I interrupt with an even graver tone. Even I am a bit surprised at how deeply his words affect me.  
Because we are running out of time, everything slashes me directly now.

"I haven't done anything for you," his voice is strained, but he stares straight at me. A tear runs down his right cheek and then another rolls down his left cheek when he blinks. Tamaki grits his teeth and shakes.

Even he has pride when dealing with me.

I pop a vein. I can feel it. "You...haven't done...a thing?"

The breaking point has come.

I take his hand and lead him to the preparation room. I knock on a hole in the wall. This is where the extra supplies and money are. No one knows about it except me.  
But I show him and I'm still holding his hand as I shake in anger.

"Look inside," I manage to say, half in a command.  
He nods his head quietly and pulls out costumes and unauctioned items. He gives me an inquisitive and confused look. I close my eyes and shake my head.  
He continues to search until everything is cleared and there is a lock. He looks at me and I tell him the combination. It is "040817183".

I clear my throat after I say this.

"Hey, these numbers sound familiar."  
I scrunch up my eyes in more annoyance. I cover my eyes with my hand. "These are your stats: Your birthday, age and height."  
I put my hand down and see him start to open the safe.

I almost want to runaway.

He pulls out notebook after notebook. But when he drops each one to the ground, articles and photos fall out as well.  
"Isn't there a file for everyone?" he asks as he takes out three more notebooks.

I step back. "Yes, but these are all just yours."

"But there's…1, 2, 3…" He counts aloud as he kneels to the floor. Flipping through one of them, he loses count and looks up at me. "Kyouya..."  
I step through and silently put everything back into its place. Then, I even kneel on the ground to put all fifty notebooks in a stack, an amount ten times more than any other host.

He skims through articles about himself and childhood pictures, unable to find a single word to say to me. I want to reach out, but I can't. It is too much to give and too much to take.

"You can take them back and do as you please with them." I turn around and start to leave. "I have to finish cleaning the room before the new hosts take up their new posts tomorrow. Excuse me."  
"And please don't bother to say goodbye to me on your way out." With that, I cruelly leave him with a crushed look on his face.

When I go back to the music room, I touch the keys of the piano. It is the last thing I left for me to close. I don't need to really dust it. I've kept it clean all these years.  
I remember the first time he played for me and that was the first time he had done it for a long time for anyone.

Tap tap tap tap tap tap TAP TAP TAP!  
"Kyouya!"

Ba~tan~! He opens the door wide open and closes just as quickly.

I don't turn around. "I warned you already, Suoh. Don't test me. I told you all you needed to know."  
"You call that an explanation?!" he shouts and his voice rings, bouncing off all the white walls with their gold borders. He throws all the notebooks to the ground. "This doesn't tell me anything!"  
Pulling my shoulder, he forces me to face him. I lift up my chin and adjust my glasses with my middle finger. "Even if you show me all that, what you say and what you do are two different things."  
"Fine." I seize his left wrist. Quickly pulling my tie off and unbuttoning my white shirt, I put his hand over my heart. Just as unfazed, I press his hand into my skin. "Then, explain this, you idiot."  
"Kyouya…" His eyes blink in surprise and he just looks at me, speechless.

I let him go.

BANG!  
I push him onto the piano keys whose jangled clanging sound resonates what I feel but can't explain. Putting my hands to each of his sides, I touch each pocket of his pants. I lean forward so that we can see eye-to-eye. "What do you want me to say now? 'Tamaki, I am not amused anymore?'"  
My heart beats faster. "Or how about, 'I know how you pursue Haruhi relentlessly in front of me?'" I laugh with a mocking tone. "Ah, how about 'Tamaki, I don't want to leave you, so I will jeopardize both of our futures and make a mess of things?'"  
My eyes become squinty. I can feel the heat building on my eyelids, but I'm not used to crying. Because I told myself long ago that I wouldn't shed a tear for anyone or anything, I don't know how to really deal with sadness.

Apathy was always much better. It was more energy and emotionally efficient.  
But a human could live on this default for only so long…

"Yes," he kindly tells me as he takes off my glasses and puts them to one side. "You're allowed to be selfish, especially regarding me."

He smiles at me like the time he played piano for me.  
I can still see him even if my eyes are a little blurry. This is an image I've always wanted to see again.

I shake my head. "You don't understand. If I told you everything I meant, I'd take advantage of you."  
I turn red and avert my eyes away from his. "I'd already done too many unspeakable things to you inside my head-"  
"What makes you think I've not done all of those things inside of mine?" he whispers into my ear as he pulls my face towards his. "Face me."  
I stubbornly retort, "Face the reality of life, Tamaki."  
"I didn't ask about that and nor will we have to discuss that here, in this room."  
He wraps his hands slide past my face and his arms wrap around my neck. I can feel his heart beat over all the clothing.  
"You really do make up your own rules, don't you?" I smirk.  
Then, I hear the voice of Tamaki that he uses when he really flirts and seduces someone.

He bites my ear and tells me in a calculated yet low tone, "You don't really know anything about me, don't you, Kyouya~?"

I begin to kiss him as I unknot his tie. He pulls my shirt down to my elbows. As he pushes himself against my thigh, he holds onto my back and I kiss him harder.  
Tamaki closes his eyes as he starts to shiver when I slowly start to touch his lower abdomen. "You've researched this much about my body too?" he teases.

I smirk even wider as he starts gasping and grins knowingly...

###############

When we go to graduation the next day, we act as if nothing has happened between us. Our promise goes into effect once we passed one another in the hall and exchanged our buttons, ruining our uniforms much to our parents' anger.

As he takes over one of his father's businesses, I too go to college. Even though he and I see each other many times on the street, we pretend not to know each other. It is very painful to see him walking and talking with other people, but we have no choice. I see those distressed expressions he gives when he has to watch me go by without a 'hi'.

The years go by and nine years are done, but it seems like forever when you live day-by-day.

At the appointed place at twelve midnight, in one of those shrines he loved so much in Kyoto, he is waiting there for me to pick him up. He has his large rollaway ready.  
"I heard the news on television. So you quit being an heir to a major corporation just like that, didn't you?" I laugh as I come closer towards him.

It has been three years since I've seen him.

He's wearing jeans and the jean jacket I'd bought for him that Christmas before graduation. But what really shines through is that his facial features have matured. His jawline shows more and his eyes are sharper.

That smile is still the same though.

As he sees me, he holds out his gloved hands to hold my face. "You look tired, Kyouya."  
I look down at the ground. "Well, although I made myself the best candidate to be the heir, I dropped it and left. That didn't go too well with my family either. They've disowned me as far as I know.  
"Then, I came here to Kyoto to open a small company, after working as a salaryman for a few years-"  
He hugs me. For a long time, he doesn't say a word as he holds me tightly.

"Are you sure you want to live with a poor man for the rest of your life?" I ask him, half in jest.

I know where we've come from. That's why I couldn't ask such a thing in high school. I knew what this would entail.  
Somehow, I feel guilty for taking something that the world should have had.

"You're really not as bright as everyone makes you out to be, are you?" he laughs as he holds me even tighter than before.

Without hesitation, he always says the things I cannot: "I missed you. I really missed you."

When he lets go, I take up his bag in one hand and hold out the other hand for him to hold onto. Without hesitation, he grabs it excitedly.

 _/"Wait for me. I will come back for you," I said as he buttoned his shirt, holding him from behind. "I don't know how or when, but I will."  
Leaning back, he answered resolutely, "I will."_

 _He grinned at me with his flushed face before putting on the rest of his uniform./_

I believed in all his words.

Tamaki was the humblest person I'd ever met. Even though he had gone through many things, he could still smile as if sadness never touched him. But being with him, I realized that because he had experienced pain beyond anyone's knowledge, that's why he could smile the way he did.  
He knew how to do it from the bottom of his heart.

It was why I trusted him without questions.

I was never sure if I could really match that strength, but since the beginning, maybe he had chosen me before I chose him.

And that was fine.

I will continue to trust him as he does with me.  
He hasn't led me wrong before.

With a heart as pure as that, it is like living with the sun. You can't live with too much of it, but you can't live without it either.

It is easier to let the sunlight lead you. It's more efficient that way. ^_~

Even at our apartment, we still hold hands and watch the dawn from the balcony.  
I hold onto his hand a little firmer than before.

 **Owari.**  
 **-**  
 **Author's note:** Yay~! I always wanted to do a Host Club fic. It is one title I enjoy on my 'spare time' * coughs * I really enjoy this pairing and felt like doing something 'cute' this time. I needed something sweet! ^_^

I even wrote the draft for this while on vacation in Hong Kong! XD See how much I love these two?!

Well, I hope you had fun with this! I had just as much fun making this as I did the fic last week for Hikaru no Go. XD

Love always,  
Yui

9/10/2006 7:54:32 AM – Los Angeles  
9/10/2006 11:54 PM – Tokyo


End file.
